2011 Playoff Prognostications

One good thing about my Flames being knocked out of the Stanley Cup playoffs before they’ve even begun is that my playoff picks tend to be considerably less biased than during the high-flying days of Flames post-season action. No more Flames-Bruins Stanley Cup final for this guy. This year, at least.


Washington (1) v. New York (8)

The Capitals have been ripe pickin’s for the upset in recent years, and considering the rollercoaster ride they had this season, one would think another upset is in the making. Ha-ha, that’s just plain ol’ stupid! The Blueshirts are going to get their bell rung.

Caps in 6

Philadelphia (2) v. Buffalo (7)

Philly dropped out of the top seed position due to a late-season slump, and Buffalo has the best goalie in the league. Unfortunately for les Sabres, that’s all they got. Buffalo wings anyone?

Flyers in 7

Boston (3) v. Montreal (6)

Habs will be slammed like Pacioretty in the Bell Centre shanchion. (Too soon?)

B’s in 4

Pittsburgh (4) v. Tampa Bay (5)

The best match-up in the first round. Will Sid the Kid come back? Will Stamkos take it to an even higher level? Will anyone in central Florida care?

Pens in 7

Vancouver (1) v. Chicago (8)

Everyone is expecting the Hawks to knock out the Canuckles in the first round again. Everyone will be right. Except those who believe that. Orcas will prevail.

‘nucks in 5

San Jose (2) v. Los Angeles (7)

Every year, I ask, What has Joe Thornton ever won? This year, the answer is: a first-round victory over the slumping Kings.

Sharks in 6

Detroit (3) v. Phoenix (6)

The Wings know how to win, but can they win without Zetterberg? No. No, they can’t.

Yotes in 7

Anaheim (4) v. Nashville (5)

The Duckleheads went on a late-season tear, picking themselves up from out of the playoffs to a home-ice position in less than a month (or so — I don’t feel like checking this). Their front line is as dominant as the league has seen since, well, I don’t feel like checking that either. The Ducks’ first line, however, will be checking the shite out of the tough Preds D, leaving their impotent offense, um, impotent.

Ducks in 5


Washington (1) v. Pittsburgh (4)

Depends. Without Crosby, Pens will lose. With Crosby? Ah, they’ll still lose. Ovi is on a mission.

Caps in 6

Philadelphia (2) v. Boston (3)

Rematch from last year’s historic collapse in Beantown. That won’t happen again.

B’s in 7

Vancouver (1) v. Phoenix (6)

Fuck. The Sedins are too damn much. Fuck fuck fuck.

‘nucks in 5

San Jose (2) v. Anaheim (4)

Now’s the time when we ask ourselves, again, What has Joe Thornton ever won? Answer: Jack shit.

Ducks in 6


Washington (1) v. Boston (3)

Ovechkin, meet Chara’s stanchion.

B’s in 6

Vancouver (1) v. Anaheim (4)

Luongo’s face, meet Perry’s ass.

Ducks in 5


Boston (3) v. Anaheim (4)

Tough one. I figure, however, if the Ducks’ top guns blasted their way through Vancouver, they’ll do the same to the Bruins. I mean, stranger things have happened, right?

Ducks in 7

And if you believe that, here’s your 2012 winner: the Calgary Flames.

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